Being an out transman and a public speaker means that I’m a susceptible target for people who either don’t understand transgender issues or who are fearful, ignorant and immature surrounding things different than them.

I have been fortunate over that years that the transphobia directed at me has not been physically hostile, (verbally is a different story). The newest incident is one that happened while ironically training staff on ways to create a safe and trans-inclusive environment on a college campus. I found out about the incident just after arriving on campus after traveling all morning through airports and by car. The staff person that handled my booking informed me that a poster on campus used to advertise my evening talk had been defaced. My shirtless torso, aligned right of a description of the evening event and directly below my name had been altered, not by a black sharpee or pen, but by items cut out from a magazine and added on top my frame. The transphobic individual first changed some wording on the poster by printing off new lettering and taping over “FTM” to make it “FML.” They then proceeded to find hair and a bra that fit the poster and taped them on me along with two shiny piercings on my lower lip and belly button.

The defaced poster had been found in trash, (obviously someone appalled by it tore it down) and it was taken to the department that was sponsoring my appearance. The college could have not shared this with me, but I’m happy they did because it allowed us to have open conversations and it has allowed me to think more about how to compose and create dialogues that address transphobia. Through conversations with the staff, I knew it was something that shouldn’t be kept secret, it should be talked about and the most powerful person to do it, was the one it was targeted at.

So, during the evening program I decided to share the poster with the audience of more than 300 students. I joked with them that this poster has shown me that if I could grow my hair out (it is too thin for this) I would look like a rock star, how I had never seen nor wore a bra like that before, and how I definitely shouldn’t pierce my lip or belly button because it isn’t a good look for me. (I often find that using humor can help defuse a situation and allow the people I talk with to approach each other in a more comfortable manner.)

After the audience laughed with me, I then moved into my concerns. For me personally, I am used to this type of treatment, by students or hecklers or by organized groups like the Westboro Baptist Church. When I am attacked, I find myself feeling first angry and hurt and then numb, I have had too many hurtful incidents in my life to allow anymore to penetrate my skin. What I don’t allow to be forgotten is the fact that when these type of incidents happy on a college campus, I am not the one that has to stay in that environment. I give my talk and then get on a plane or in my car and return home, but the students and staff who are either trans-identified themselves or are allies to the community have to remain. I feel numb when these things happen, but others may feel fearful about their safety and treatment if their own identity is made public. The question may be raised, If someone makes this statement with a poster, what would they do to someone they knew was trans?

From my experiences across the nation, I feel that a large majority of students, staff, and faculty are accepting and desiring an inclusive campus. But sadly, it often feels like support won’t help if we experience hate either visually, verbally or physically. If you are a student who has experienced transphobia, or has heard or seen things around your campus that concern you, I strongly encourage you to visit your counseling center and talk with someone there who may help you with your anxiety and, if needed, help you develop a safety plan. If you are staff or faculty that are wondering what to do with actions that result in things like the above poster, consider educating other staff and having open conversations instead of keeping it quiet or within a department. If you need support or help, I work to provide consults and training on trans-inclusion, or I can refer you to other professionals.

The last thing any of us should do is stay silent on the matter.

The last thing any of us should do is NOT report a transphobic or hate crime incident.

I will continue to reach out and provide guidance, and I am more than happy to be the “joke,” if that joke can lead to a safer environment for those that live there.